Friends. Sigh. I have no social life. Isn't it weird how these little realizations can just hit you? I think I've known this for a little while now, but it's like it really just sank in..DAMN, I have no social life and no love life. Nada, zip, zero, zilch. It's pretty sad.
My life consists of work, home, and school. The few times I'm away from my house on the weekend and with other people it is either with a family member or a co-worker. And I love my co-workers dearly, but two of them are old enough to be my mom and the other is pregnant and not even old enough to drink.
My love life has seemed to yet again hit a bottom. Or maybe the bottom has fallen out. Guy from DC I was supposed to go see? Yeah he is coming to the city I live in this weekend....but he's coming to see another girl and NOT me. Lol, but if I have an issue with that it's my problem. I mean really?? One minute he's telling me I'm different because I don't talk about our future anymore, the next minute he's defending seeing this other girl because we're not in a relationship and it's not like he's cheating on me. I just feel like he can't have it both ways. I'm not going to talk about a future with you when you're seeing other women. Like he repeatedly told me, we're not in a relationship and yet at first it felt like a break up. Sigh. Why do all the guys I come into contact with inevitably turn into a douche bag? Better to find out sooner than later I guess.
What I'd really like to have is a night out with friends (my age), some drinks, and a few single men. Is that really too much for a girl to ask for?
I am a ridiculous people watcher. And my grad school class is a great place to do it in. Three hour class and 2/3 of the class is men. I find ways to keep myself entertained. There are 4 that are quite nice to look at and one of them sat next to me tonight. He is a cutie patootie for sure. And I don't know if it's just the loneliness running rampant, but I wanted to reach right out and touch him. I just wanted to touch his arm, touch his leg, reach out and hold his hand. Lol I was scaring myself that I might just do exactly that, it was almost beyond my control. I did manage to control myself, so no worries friends. I wasn't a total creepo.
These days I'm feeling like the last single girl. Please tell me there is someone else out there. And where are the single, sweet, funny, serious, ready to settle down men?? I think my mom feels sorry for me for being single. For not having that special someone in my life. I know she means well but when she brings it up it just makes me feel worse. And like I told her, it's not like I can just go to the mall and pick one out. If only it were that simple right?
For those of you that do have serious boyfriends or husbands, do you let them read your blog? And if you do is it because you don't talk about them? Or you only tell the good things? Do you think it censures what you say a little? Maybe you would reveal more about that side of your life if you knew he wouldn't read it later?
I'm sorry, lady. I know this feeling. Even though I am in a relationship now, before this one happened, I spent a couple years wondering if the guys were just GONE, like I'd used up all my Boyfriend tokens and now I was just going to have to deal with it since I didn't spread them out far enough in my life, and there was no way to play to win more. My current Man was a very unexpected surprise--so much so that I spend several months denying that this would ever be a good idea with him and that there were a million reasons not to date him. Lo and behold, somehow my misgivings gave way to reason or something, and here we are. I hope that love finds you like that--not so much in the way that you don't want it at first :), but in the way that it sneaks up on you. It's kind of spectacular when it happens when you aren't looking in that direction.
ReplyDeleteAs for the blogging thing, my blog is definitely not anonymous, but I do try to keep The Man more private just out of respect for him. I have no problem with writing about our relationship and the things that are going on there, and he does read it, and wouldn't mind if I talked about us--if I don't post something about us fighting or whatever, it's usually just because I consider that a matter for us to work out, and I don't want to splash it all over the internet. It's just a personal decision more than me censoring myself because he reads it; I blogged before he showed up anyway, so my openness hasn't changed. I even post pictures of the guy, I just haven't used him name. :-)
My husband reads my blog. We were already married when I started it so there wasn't the awkward period of having to tell him that I'd been blogging about him or anything. I don't think I censor anything for him. It's more my family (grandparents, parents, etc.) that I do the censoring for.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm single. And I'm 29. And I have some amazing girlfriends who are older than I am and still looking. You are so not alone. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI hate to break this to you, but your quandry knows no limits when it comes to age, gender, or sexual preference. You aren't alone in your struggle. Not by far, you're just brave enough to actually say out loud (and in print) that you're lonely, tired of being alone, and yet you have enough integrity to not settle for anything less than what you're looking for. And while it's damn hard to live with at times, it really is a good thing and not something to be taken lightly. You're there, I'm there, my best (girl)friend is there. And it will work out for all of us. Absolutely, positively, guaranteed. Know you are loved. Know the love you need is coming. Keep your eyes and heart open so you'll know when it's standing in front of you.
ReplyDeleteJacque, post above is from me. Love you, Daryl.
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