Doctor? Coulda been..

Is there something in your life you wish you had pursued more?  Do you have something that you just keep thinking about doing, but you're not sure if it's right for you or not? 

Well that's how I feel about medical school. 

When I was in high school I didn't doubt for a second that I would go to med school.  I was motivated and ambitious.  I took AP classes, the health classes, was tenth in my class and had a solid ACT score.  Things were looking good for college and beyond. 

Then college starts.  And it's that first taste of freedom.  It's too easy to not worry about studying when you can spend time with your friends and boyfriend.  Dropping one class this semester won't hurt right?  Missing this class once isn't a big deal right?  I'll do better on the next quiz.  All these things we tell ourselves at the time to make it seem okay. 
I didn't do bad in college, don't let me mislead you.  But I think I gave up too easy.  I failed that first Biology class and had to drop my Calculus class.  I retook Biology and did just fine the second time around.  I never could quite get the hang of college Calculus even though I made A's and B's in high school Cal.  College Chem wasn't really my strongest class either. 
And well if you know anything about pre-med requirements...these classes are kind of necessary. 
So I let the doubt creep in.  How can I go to med school when I can't get past the basic classes here?  But truth be told, I wasn't studying like I should have been.  I was used to school coming pretty easy.  And college wasn't as easy and I had all these other things to entertain myself with and occupy my time. 

So in the end I threw all these excuses in the air for why I was switching my major. 

I don't want to be in school that long.
I like political science better.
I want to have time for a "life".
Etc, etc.

Well every few months now I toss up the idea of going back to school, finishing the pre-med requirements, and applying for med school. 

I think I could be a good doctor.

But is it truly what I want to do?  Could I handle the stress?  Could I handle the death and my role in it?

I spent some time last night thinking about what specialty I would want to go into.  I've leaned towards pediatric oncology for a long time.  Maybe it started when I was twelve and read Lurlene McDaniel books about kids with cancer.  Maybe it has to do with me living in Memphis near St. Jude.  I don't know, but that's on the top of my list.  I always thought if I became a doctor I would want to do Doctors Without Borders and contribute a lot of time to overseas work.  Maybe that's what inspired me to apply for the Peace Corps, that need to do something for the international community.   

I enjoyed getting my political science degree and I like where I want to go with it (UN, state department, etc) (hopefully one day!)  But I can't help but wonder if maybe I settled for less?  If maybe I just let myself off the hook and took the easy way out. 

So did I miss my path?  Or did I set myself up for the path I was supposed to be on all along? 
Maybe I still have time to go back.
Time will tell.