When Ever After Isn't So Happy

I wanted to write a post that was much more upbeat and happy sounding than the one I'm actually going to write tonight.  Right now I feel a need to vent and just want to get my frustration out on what happened earlier this evening.  It's not a great situation and I hope people don't judge me unfairly.

As I was leaving work I received a text message from an ex-boyfriend's wife.  She said she knew I had been talking to her husband and next time she asks me to not talk to him it won't be in a text or phone call it'll be face to face.  Awesome. 

I live in a small town, I went to high school with the ex and his current wife.  Even was on the cheerleading squad with his wife at one point.  We weren't friends, but good acquaintances, had nothing bad to say about the other as far as I know.
Me and the ex dated for two years and sometime after we broke up they started dating.  I wasn't surprised by it and figured when they got together they would end up married.

Never doubt a woman's intuition. 

You know how you just get those vibes sometimes?  Well I had the vibe even when me and him were dating that there was something between them.  He cheated on me, several times I believe, but not with her.  Anyways, this is all background information. 

He has a habit of texting me sometimes.  There is nothing going on between us besides texts that are pretty few and far between. He is suggestive sometimes, wanting me to stop by his work when he's working late.  I never take him up on these suggestions and let him know I'm not interested and how he hasn't changed a bit from when I dated him.  He wanted us to get together for lunch a few months ago.  I really considered it, because for me it was just lunch.  What's the harm in that?  What's wrong with trying to have something of a friendly relationship with him?

On the other hand, I knew he wouldn't tell his wife about it and that I'm not ok with.  He wants to be friends?  Well then lets make it where it's not a secret.  Where if she finds out about it, which she will, I'm not thrown under the bus and made to look like the bad guy.  Let's not make me out to look like a slutty mistress trying to steal another woman's husband, because that is not the scenario by any means.  So I never did have lunch with him and honestly can not even remember the last time I saw him because it has been that long. 

It is just such a frustrating situation.  I've been in her shoes.  I know what it feels like to not trust this man and to worry and to have that terrible feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see a message or call from another woman.  What I don't understand is why are we women so quick to jump on the other woman? He texts me and I can't stop him from doing that.  I don't ever text this man first, I don't encourage him or instigate anything, but yet she looks at me as though I'm the one at fault.
What does she expect from me?  I'm single and unattached.

HE is the one with a wife and child at home.
HE is the one who should not be texting other women. 
HE is the one who is acting inappropriate. 

At what point should the woman and the man look at themselves and really take responsibility for the situation they are in?  I'm not saying this woman has done anything wrong or should have done something differently.  But the writing has been on the wall for her since before they were married.  When your fiance is at an ex-girlfriend's house at two in the morning two weeks before the wedding, it may not be the best sign.  And that they should take responsibility for. 

Why are we so ready and hopeful for a happy ending that we ignore all the warning signs that tell us Prince Charming really isn't so charming?   

But at what point is it ok, if ever to stop believing your spouse?  For how long do you give your spouse the benefit of the doubt?  At what point does history and your gut feeling take over what your heart wants to believe?  When do you know when to call it quits?  And why blame an outside source for the problems in your marriage? 
I did not create the problems in your marriage.  I did not seek your husband out in hopes of stealing him away and tearing your family apart.  And therefore, I do not wish to be "threatened" by a face to face meeting with you when you have evidence that your hubby isn't being entirely "appropriate" behind your back.     

I want to take responsibilty of my own actions where it is due.  Maybe I am the bad guy in this situation.  Maybe I haven't done absolutely EVERYTHING to diffuse the situation.  Maybe I'm just hoping that one day he will be a better guy.  That he will be faithful and be happy where he is. Maybe I don't know when to walk away. 

But I know deep down that I do have integrity and my reputation as not just a woman, but as a good person are important to me.