How do you know when you're in love?
Especially when it's THE ONE.
Do you love them more?
Do you love them better?
Do you love them differently?
What makes that person THE ONE,
the one that you will hopefully spend the rest of your life with?
Do you love them in a different way than you loved anyone else? Or are you just a little more compatible with them than any of the rest? Did things just happen to work out that way? Things fit nicely into place and so marriage seemed the logical thing to do?
Or was it a can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars kind of love?
How do you know when it's love? Real love.
When you're willing to turn your life upside down for this person? When this person's opinion matters more than others? When the only future you imagine is one with them in it next to you?
I've only been in love once in my 26 years. It was my first real relationship and it didn't end well. I've often questioned if I was really even in love then.
Some days I decide yes.
Other days I decide no.
Is it always like that after a relationship gone wrong? Do you question what was? Do you wonder if you were just caught up in the moment? That what you thought was some of the best times of your life wasn't real because it was wrapped in lies? That what you thought was "true love" actually involved a cheater?
Can it still be love despite all of this?
I think there are different kinds of love.
The obvious ones, between a parent and child and between a man and a woman.
But I mean different kinds of love between a man and a woman.
Not everyone loves in the same way.
Some people put everything out there and love in such an open, honest, in your face kind of way.
Others take a little more time.
I think I'm one of those. I don't always believe so easily.
I have a hard time believing in someone that falls in love so quickly. Not to say that I haven't fallen for someone quickly, but I guess I have a hard time believing someone falling for ME in a short amount of time. I'm not one of those girls that's going to knock a guy off his feet with my looks, I take some getting to know.
I wish I wore my heart on my sleeve a little more easily. I wish I was one of those girls that went from "love" to "love".
Instead I have a past relationship that might or might not have been love, a few almosts, and some others that aren't worth talking about.
Clearly I'm not an expert on relationships, dating, or love.
So my question is how do you know when it's love?
Real love.
THE ONE kind of love.
I'm no expert either... so I'm not sure I've ever actually known!
ReplyDeletei love this, i was wondering the same thing!
ReplyDeletemy marriage was not bc we were in love, its bc i found out i was pregnant and then had to learn to love each other bc we were married! i dont believe the learning to love each other turned into true love! and i never really fail in love with anyone else! so i was wondering the same thing how do you know if its lust or love? why most it be so complicated lol.
also i agree on different types of love for others!
I think there are hundreds of people we can choose to spend the rest of our lives with. You are compatible with lots of people. It's about finding a person you're compatible with and wanting it to work.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is one. There's one hundred, at least. It's why so many people worry they'll find someone better or why they fall in love with others even when they are married / in a relationship!
Loveee this post!
I think ppl are too quick to jump in bed with each other and I think that comes out of anxiousness and not out of love. Instead of the person holding their anxiety and managing it, it holds them and then they act out. Grant you, Im not an angel but looking back, I believe this was true for me.
ReplyDeleteI think you'll know when you found the right person when three things happen:
1. You want to be a better person.
2. Your relationships with others improve.
3. Your relationship with God improves.
Two cents from a male's perspective,
Micah
I think Yvonne is right. I would love to think that there is one person for everyone, but the truth is there are a lot of people out there that you would probably be compatible with, that you would be attracted to, and could start a family with and with hard work and dedication to the relationship, it could work out successfully. I think timing plays a huge role in finding a person that you are willing to let into your world and commit to spend a long time with. From my experience, in my late 20's and in my first relationship where I feel like I am willing and open to thinking about a real future with someone, it works for a few reasons--
ReplyDeletethe timing was right. i felt like i had experienced a lot of relationships and dating and i had a good idea of what i wanted and didn't want for my future
the guy was my best friend for 5 years and we were similar in our fears about relationships and we knew how to handle one another;s fears and emotions well
we didn't pressure each other, we just let it happen the way it was suppose to happen.
Finally, we were both mentally and physically attracted to one another. they have to please you physically. that part of it has to be there, or eventually, in most cases, one of you will stray.
i have written about this stuff on my blog as well--
http://www.whatilrnedfrom.blogspot.com
I totally agree with Yvonne. Some people have a true love in their younger years, may even marry, and then 20 years down the road may get divorced, and fall in love with someone else. It doesn't mean that the second person was their only true love, or 'the one'. Because the first love could have been real love too. I think we can truly love more than one person in our lives. I fortunately have been with the same man since I was 15, and now I'm 26. We are engaged, and I truly believe we will be together forever. We've been together 11 years, grown up together, gotten through the rough times, and oh there were rough times, but we are at the point now where we love each other more than ever, can't imagine our lives without the other, etc etc. So though I was lucky and found my one true love, I do think that some people can love more than one person. That there might not be 'just one' perfect person for them. Plus, it takes alot of compromising and TRYING to make things work. You can't just say 'oh this is too hard' or 'we argue, so he must not be the one'. If my fiancee and I broke up based on arguments or how many times I didn't like something he did, he would have broken up a long time ago! And that's where I think some people go wrong because they aren't willing to try to make things work, and just give up on relationships because they are too hard, and think that things wouldn't be that hard if he were 'the one' so they give up and try to move on to the next person to try to find perfection in and make 'the right one', when in all actuality it takes alot more work. Like Yvonne said, we may be compatible with tons of people, but it's about wanting to make it work.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes I agree that is why people stray and why they wonder if there is someone better out there for them, a better perfect match. The right one.
I'm glad I found the right one :) You will find someone who loves you for you. It happens at different times for different people. But you seem like an honest sweet person and I know someone will/does love you. And when you find that person, hold on to them with all your heart!